


Accidentally In Love

by egberts



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, M/M, dumb, dumb dumb dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-28 23:36:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/680157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egberts/pseuds/egberts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John has a huge crush on Vriska and Dave likes John so let's make Vriska jealous by pretending to date Dave but hey wait check the title. uh-oh john</p>
            </blockquote>





	Accidentally In Love

**Author's Note:**

> this is a dumb story i wrote really badly and im sorry in advance that i suck at transitioning uwu  
> also pls ignore any spelling or grammar errors ok

So he said, "What's the problem, Dave?" What's the problem? You don't know.

"Well maybe... Well maybe I'm in love." You think about him all the time, can't stop thinking about him. 

"With who?" John's interest was peaked. "I didn't think you to be the lovey type." He nudged you with his elbow and laughed. You gave him an obviously forced smile in return. "Aw, come on, lighten up."

"Sorry, just thinking." You lied. Well, not fully lied,  you were thinking... About him... Kissing him... Again. You quickly shook your head to rid yourself of those thoughts. "I think I might just go take a nap."

John frowned, "That's all you ever do. Sleep sleep sleep." Blue eyes rolled.

"I know, I know. I'm a college student, I have a right." He shook his head and laughed again. God fucking dammit, that laughed. You choked back your desire and let out a small laugh too.

"Alright, if I'm not here when you get back, I went to the library to study with Vriska."

"Kay." You stood up and made a beeline for your small room.

Sharing a dorm with John Egbert was the best and the worst thing that had ever happened to you. Even worse than that time Bro made you like 500 strawberry pancakes as an April fools joke. (It's bad cause you love pancakes but you're allergic to strawberries.) And even better than when you first told Bro you thought you might be gay and he wholey accepted you without a hint of sarcasm.

You sighed and flopped down onto your twin-sized bed. Your palms pressed against your eyes and you let out a long exhausted sigh. The shades John got you (ironically of course) for your birthday a few years ago found themselves off your face and on the table beside the bed. Your eyes slowly drifted shut, on the brink of sleep when-

RING. RING RING. BRRRRING. BBBRRING. BBBZZZZT. RING. RING RIIIIING. BZT.

Your eyes shot open and you frantically felt around for your phone. You fumbled with it for a few seconds, in your half-asleep state, before finally hitting the green answer button.

"Talk to me." You said cooly.

"Hey lil man," Bro's voice cut across the line. "Is this a bad time?"

You shook your head, as if he could see, "Nah, was just dosing off. No biggie. Sup?"

"Not much, just checkin' in ya'know? How's college life treating you?"

"Eh." You said dissmissively, "Exactly like highschool, but you live here and people sleep whenever they get the chance. How's the puppet porn business?" You smirked a little.

"Hey," He stopped, it sounded like he was probably chewing something. "I'll have you know, that porn business is what put your ass through school and got you into college."

"Yeah yeah, whatever Bro." You chuckled.

"No but seriously dude, how have you been? You never call, that makes it really hard for me to be the kind of parent who doesn't give a shit. Y'know cuz I gotta call your ass." 

You thought for a minue then sighed a little, "I've been, uh, better."

"What's on your mind lil bro?" He inquired.

"Eh, just a petty crush." You left out... most of the details.

"Oh really, on who? Is he cute?" He prodded, followed by more chewing.

"Yeah he's, uh, pretty cute but..." You sighed again, something you seemed to be making a habbit of. "I think he's straight like, he's never actually had a serious girlfriend or whatever but I dunno." You shrugged. (Again, he can't see you. It's a phonecall. Not that you cared.)

"Hm, sounds complicated." Chew. "Maybe just," Chew. "Talk to him?"

"Yeah, because I totally haven't hardcore thought about it." Your eyes rolled.

"Well, I'm just saying. You'll never know if you don't try."

"I guess, but I just don't wanna ruin our fr-"

"Oh shit, gotta go bro." He cut you off.

"Okay by-" You were again cut off by the dial tone. "Lovely talking to you bro." You growled and tossed your phone aside. "And he wonders why I don't call him." The pillow was once again met with your head and this time, hopefully, you'd actually get a little sleep.

 

**\---------------**

 

Oh jeez, your feet were KILLING you. Time to seriously consider getting a driver's license. You were in college after all. Why did the library have to be so far away? You moaned and continued on. (The library isn't even all that far you drama king. Across campus is nothing.) Yeah right, walking all the way across this college campus might as well be the same as walking to the moon. (You'd die in outerspace though.)

Hey look, the library is only like 50 feet away now. You can make it. You pushed the heavy metal doors open and made your way to the table you and Vriska usually sit at. Your eyes immediately fell on your watch - she was late again. You shook your head and cracked open your biology text book anyway. 

"Sorry I'm late!" Vriska whisper-yelled across the table about fifteen minutes later. "I got caught up in traffic." She pulled out her chair and sat down. You looked up and smiled at her. She had the most beautiful curly red hair, not that you'd ever tell her you thought her hair was beautiful. Or she was beautiful for that matter. How embarrassing. You were pretty sure she saw you as strictly a friend.

"Caught in traffic from what?" You smirked. "The Gilmore Girls marathon on ABC?"

"No shut up you ass, I was at work." She grumbled. "I didn't get to watch the marathon."

"Oh right, I forgot you got a job!" You said a little louder than intended.

"Keep it down, moron." She laughed. "Somebody had to get a job, how else am I gonna afford to give your broke ass rides all the time?"

"Hey, I'm working on getting my license." You rolled your eyes. "It's not my fault they leave all those super vulnerable cones around to be run over."

"John, you're not supposed to run over them."

"I know that!" You folded your arms. "But obviously the driver's ed teacher's car doesn't."

Now she was rolling her eyes and laughing. "You're a doofus."

"Takes one to know one." You stuck out your tongue.

"Gee, thanks."

"Welcome."

She shook her head and opened her biology book. "So what pages are we supposed to read?"

"134-174." You redirect your attention to the book. "You were late so I got a headstart."

"Man, you're just the best friend a girl could have, you call me names, you don't wait for m, and you make me drive you places." She laughed again.

"Hey it's not my fault you're so sloooooooow." 

"I'm not slow!" She scoffed. "I just like to.. admire the view."

"Out the windshield of your car."

"Yes, dead bugs are very pretty this time of the year." You both laughed and continued your reading.

About fifteen minutes later you shut your book and looked up at Vriska. "You done yet, slowpoke."

"I read it last night, slowpoke."

You gave her a sort of funny look, "Wh- then what are you re-"

She pulled a magazine out of her book. "Got ya."

"Why did you ask me to meet youhere if you already read it!" You laughed.

"I dunno, just wanted to hang out. And uh," She bit her lip. "It feels sorta awkward hanging out in your dorm cuz, I dunno, I don't think Dave likes me very much."

"Dave doesn't like anyone, he's a hipster." You reassured her. "Well, he thinks he is anyway."

"I know you've told me, I dunno though. Just makes me uncomfortable, I guess." And that was something that wasn't easy to do - make Vriska Serket feel uncomfortable.

"It's cool, I understand. I feel exactly the same about your roommate."

"What? Why didn't you tell me???" Vriska frowned.

"I didn't wanna offend you!" You shrugged. "She's just... weird."

"Are you kidding, she's nice and cute and, admittedly kind of a bitch, but she's my best friend!" You could hear Vriska's voice growing more upset. You're just digging a hole now.

"Yeah, and Dave's my best friend, but I didn't get offended when you told me you didn't like him!"

"So, I have a right to be offended, what has Terezi even done to put you off??? Certainly not give you cold stares through some lame ass sunglasses or make lame remarks about your hair every two minutes."

"Well for starters, the first time I met her she LICKED MY FACE. And then told me I tasted like mints??? Weird." You started shoving your books in your bag, just as Vriska was. "And she wears dumb glasses all the time too!"

"She has to wear them you idiot, she can't see without them!" Vriska growled. "You're being a real asshole, John."

"All I did was say I felt the same way about your roommate that you did about mine!" You slung your bag over your shoulder.

"Oh so you're just gonna pack your shit and leave in the middle of a fight?"

"You're doing the EXACT SAME."

"Only because I wanna get away from you and your bad attitude." She started towards the door. 

"My bad attitude?" You scoffed. "Take a look in the personality mirror." That was a lame comeback. Note to self, work on comebacks.

"You can call me when you're done being an asshole and develope a little respect." She marched on.

"Or you know, I could never call you." You started towards the door too. The librarians were scolding the two of you as you made your way out.

She turned towards you right outside the door. "Oh shut up, John, you and I both know you WANT TO. How obvious is it that you're totally head over heels in love with me!" She laughed. "Well you just blew your chances pal."

"You only wish I was madly in love with you, but you know what Vriska, fuck you." You turned on your heel and walked away without another word. Her string of nasty insults and slurs echoing right behind you. 

Well then.

There goes that friendship.

We better give you a little time to cool off, huh?

 

**\-------------------**

 

You're still asleep. It's been like three hours. Some small nap. You're rudely awakened by the sound of the front door slamming and somebody throwing their stuff down. You sleepily rub your eyes and sit up, feeling around for your shades. A large yawn escaped from your mouth as you grogily got up to see what was going on.

You were met in the living room by a very angry John Egbert. You debated sitting down and asking him what was up, or going back to your room and letting him chill. He glanced up at you and... he had tears in his eyes. Oh boy, here we go. Something happened with Vriska, you could feel it in your gut.

You sat down in the recliner across from him. He shook his head and looked away, obviously to wipe the tears from his eyes. "What happened?" You sort of deadpanned, it was... really hard to show emotion in these kind of situations.

He shook his head again, faster this time. "Vriska just..." He sighed. "She's a huge bitch."

You inwardly smirked and refrained from making a joke about how he just figured this out. "Why, what's up? What happened?"

He sighed again and started his story. "We were studying and everything was going smooth and she mentioned how she didn't really, uh, like you."

"The feelings mutual." You piped up. It made him smile a little.

"So I thought, since she was being honest about it I might as well tell her how I felt about her roommate." He paused. "And promise me you won't be offended, okay?"

"Dude, why would I be offended?" You quirked an eyebrow.

"Cuz I know you're pretty good friends with Terezi, but I dunno, I just think she's weird, I guess."

"Oh jeez, John she is weird. I mean, I think she's cool as fuck, but hella weird. I get where you're coming from, I guess you just gotta learn to love her." You talked calmly, trying not to upset him further.

"Okay well, Vriska wasn't so cool about it. She started yelled at me. In the middle of the library. So I yelled back then she..." He sighed again and put his head in his hands. "She said something about me liking her, and it was true but... I told her she was a bitch and basically told her to fuck off and I just..." Another sigh. "Super fucked up. I really... do like her."

It made your chest tighten to hear John talk about liking somebody else. But he didn't know you liked him so... there was nothing you could do. Or was there? You brain was slowly cooking up a plan. Maybe...

Maybe there was something.

 

**\-----------------**

 

You gave Dave a sort of funny look. "So, what do you say?" He finished.

"I dunno." You bit your lip. "I've never been in a real relationship, needless to say a fake one."

"Come on dude, it's perfect. It'll make her jealous and everything. She'll be crawling back before you know it." He beamed. You'd never seen him so enthusiastic about something before. Maybe it was worth a shot?

"Uh," You shrugged. "Alright. What do I have to lose? But how do we have a fake... relationship?" You said the last bit slowly and a little unsurely.

"Just like a real one I guess, just, y'know, fake." Dave shrugged. "Like, uh, if you're comfortable with it, we can like kiss... in front of her. And go out on dates to places she'll be."

"Hm." You racked your brain for a good reason not to, but you couldn't think of one. "I guess, yeah. I mean, you're my best friend it's not like a little kiss every once in awhile will hurt."

"Yeah, exactly!" Dave nodded, "So what do you say, Egbert, will you be my fake boyfriend?"

"I'd be delighted Mr. Strider." You laughed and took his outstreched hand and he lifted you off the couch. "What should we do first, as fake boyfriends?"

"Well, uh, just so you know you're 100% comfortable with it when the time comes, we should kiss." You froze up for a second. You'd only ever been kissed once and it was the most awkward nose-bumping kiss ever. Not to mention the girl you kissed went lesbian afterwords. (aka Rose.)

"Uh, alright." You swallowed hard.

"John, listen if you're not comfortable with it..." You cut him off with a small, short, dry kiss. Your eyes were squeezed shut and your fists were wound tight.

You inhaled deeply and peeked open your eyes, "There, that wasn't so hard." Dave's eyes were wide and his heart was beating 100 miles per hour (Not that you knew that). His breath hitched in his throat and he didn't say anything for a few seconds. "Uh, Dave?"

He shook his head and snapped out of it. He had to play it off as cool. As silently as possible he inhaled then laughed. "You call that a kiss?" He raised an eyebrow. "If you wanna convince Vriska that we're actually dating you're gonna have to do better than that."

"Oh really, then why don't you show me how, Strider." You put your hands on your hips. 

"Gladly." He grabbed the collar of your shirt and bent down to your height. He crashed his lips against yours, not giving you any time to force them closed. (Because of your overbite your mouth naturally stayed open ever so slightly unless you knowingly shut it.) It was your turn to be wide eyed because, holy shit, Dave has really soft lips. And he sorta... tasted like cinnamon. Not that you were paying attention. This was just a fake kissing lesson from your fake boyfriend to make the girl you like really jealous.

After about 15 seconds he finally pulled back to breathe and smirked. "That is how you give a convincing fake kiss."

You blinked your eyes a couple times and popped your lips. "Well then, I'm convinced."

He laughed and nodded. "Glad to be of service."

"I seriously hope this works though." You sat back down.

Dave's voice quieted a little, kind of sounded sad? "Heh, hey, don't worry man, I'm sure it'll... work." He sighed and sat down beside you. "Trust me." You nodded and sat back.

"Thanks, Dave."

He gave you a small nod and sat back too. "It's getting kind of late, huh. Maybe we should hit the sack."

"We don't have to sleep together, do we?" You joked.

"Nah man, not unless you wanna." He winked and nudged your shoulder with his elbow.

"I think I'll pass." You hopped back up. "But thanks for the offer."

Dave had the cheesiest smile on his face, you'd never seen him smile so much in such a short period of time. It was kind of nice to see him happy, you guessed. Maybe this whole fake boyfriend thing wouldn't be so bad. 

 

**\------------------**

 

The past few days had been wonderful. John was your fake boyfriend and he'd kissed you at least fifteen times. Nothing could make this more perfect. Except maybe if John was your real boyfriend. You didn't dwell on it though. Fake boyfriends was fine for now, maybe someday you'd get the nerve to tell him how you actually felt. Jade told you to tell him but... You weren't ready yet. You'd wait until the time was right. That is if he didn't end up with that huge bitch, Vriska. Speaking of Vriska. She's the reason you're sitting at the relatively nice restaurant at a table for two playing footsie with John. She was a few tables down and she was glaring something fierce. John even leaned over the table to kiss you a few times, other than that it was basically just like if you would've gone as friends. Just talking and bullshitting. Making jokes, enjoying your time together. 

John's laugh was the greatest sound though. And he was laughing an awful lot tonight. You even made him blush a couple times, which inwardly made you proud. "So, I was thinking we could see a movie Saturday?" He said just loud enough for Vriska to hear.

You played along. "Yeah, sounds great, what're you thinking of seeing?"

He shrugged. "I hear Lincoln is pretty good."

"Ehhhhh." You slurped your drink. "I don't wanna see some lame movie about some dead ass president."

"Alright then, what do YOU recommend we see?"

"How about uh, Movie 43." You shrugged. "Looks pretty funny."

"Alright, it's a date." He smiled. It seemed like a genuine smile and not one of those 'Vriska is looking gotta make her jealous' smiles. You really hoped it was a genuine smile.

The date rolled around, and rolled past. You and John had a good time, Vriska wasn't there but John still kissed you. It was nice. You weren't sure why he did it, but it was nice. You shared popcorn and soda and held hands, and maybe he was just putting on a show for the rumour starters? Whatever it was, you liked it and you never wanted it to stop.

Towards the end of the movie you took a cruise around town until you ran out of gas two miles from the campus. You could've pushed the car to a gas station but John insisted on walking home. It was getting late and he started shivering. You put your jacket over his shoulders and he willingly accepted.

Halfway through the walk he lazily slipped his hand into yours and layed his head on your shoulder. Nobody was around. You weren't sure why he was doing it, but you weren't objecting.

"Tonight was fun." He said quietly.

"Yeah." You smiled. "Very... fun."

The two of you walked hand in hand the rest of the way home in complete silence. When you got to your dorm John went straight for the couch and layed down, still with you're jacket. "I'm too tired to make it to my bed." He moaned. "Carry me."

You rolled your eyes and laughed, "Alright, princess." You scooped him up bridal style and carried him to his bed. Right before you set him down he gave you a quick kiss on the lips.

"Goodnight, fake boyfriend."

You laughed and shook your head, "Night."

 

**\--------------------------------**

 

The sun rolled in through your single bedroom window and you rolled over to put the pillow on top of your head. "It's too early for your bullshit, sun." You grumbled into the mattress. Just as you were about to drift back asleep, you were met with a sort of sweet smell. You sat up and lazily rubbed your eyes.

You stumbled into the small kitchen-like area of your dorm. (You and Dave bought this cheap skillet that you can plug in and a toaster oven to cook with.) "What are you doing?" You yawned and asked upon seeing Dave standing over the little portable skillet.

"I got up at like five AM and made all these goddamn pancakes."

He pointed to a blue plate on the table stacked up with pancakes. You eyed him, then the pancake stack and laughed. "Why!?"

"BECAUSE I like pancakes, and I made some Strawberry ones for you, you're welcome."

"How did you, you're allergic to Strawberries!"

"There's like 12 pairs of rubber gloves and 3 surgical masks in the trash can now." And that's all he said on the matter.

Why did he go through all the trouble... How did he even know you liked strawberries? You looked at him out of the corner of your eye and smiled. Maybe, just maybe, you were starting to get the idea Dave wanted to be more than just pretend boyfriends. You shook your head and piled a few pancakes onto a plate.

"Thank you."

"Yeah that's right, you better be saying thank you. I worked my ass off." He paused. "If you find an egg shell pretend you didn't."

You nodded and laughed. "Alright."

He sat down on the couch beside you with his pancakes and started eating. "These are the best pancakes I've ever made in my entire life."

You swallowed what you had in your mouth then raised an eyebrow, "Oh really, why's that? What's your secret ingredient?"

"Love." He deadpanned, but if sort of looked like he was trying not to laughed.

You smiled. "You should teach me sometime." That came out sounding more... flirty than you'd planned. For being fake boyfriends you and Dave were sure, uh, getting close behind closed doors. Maybe you should tone it down a notch. You nodded to yourself.

"Why did you just nod?" He asked, mouth full.

"Oh uh," you sheepishly rubbed the back of your head. "No reason!" You shoved the last bit of food in your mouth and looked at your watch. "Oh shit! I gotta go I have class in 20 mintues."

Dave took your plate and saw you off. You made plans to meet at the big oak tree in front of the library around four or so. You nodded and without thinking gave him a quick goodbye kiss. Your cheeks immediatly turned red afterwords and you bolted out the door. You could feel him staring as you left. You didn't wanna seem like you actually liked him but??? you kept making mistakes like that!

 

**\-----------------------**

 

Fake dating John was more painful than you thought it'd be. Every time his kissed you your chest would tighten and you'd have to play it cool, like you were faking too. It was getting harder. He started kissing you more often when nobody was around, you don't think he was doing it on purpose though... It was just sort of happening. 

You ran an hand loosely through your dirty blonde hair and leaned back on the couch. "You have to tell him." You said to yourself. "You can't keep doing this." But you have to. John likes Vriska. You can't. 

You groaned and threw your head back with your hands over your face. This whole personal dilema thing was so not cool. Do you tell John or do you not tell him. Now you were leaning forward with you elbows on your knees - face still in your hands. This was hard. Descision making is haaaaard. You sighed and sat like that for a few more minutes. 

John fumbled through the door with two arms full of gorceries, snapping you out of your self-debate. You sat up and offered to help.

"No, I got it!" He shut the door with his butt. That was cute. You smiled to yourself, but he must've seen you because - "What're you so smiley for?" He prodded, walking into the kitchen to put the things away.

"No, nothing!" You said quickly and dropped the smile. "What'd you get at the store?"

"Just some stuff we were out of, like laundry soap and pizza rolls." John didn't like to use the soap at the laundry mat on campus, he said they charged way too much.

"Did you get-"

"Applejuice," He smiled and pulled it out of the bag.

"Oh God, thank you." You exclaimed . "I'll pay you back."

"Don't worry about it, I've made you buy me stuff plenty." He laughed and squeezed the jug of AJ into the mini-fridge as best as he could. "I bought the biggest one I could to fit in here, so if this doesn't last you at least a week then I think maybe it's time for an intervention."

"An applejuice intervention." You repeated.

"Yeah, Dave, I say it because I care, I think you have a problem." He sat down beside you and reassuringly put a hand on your shoulder. "But if you're willing, we can help."

"Get off, doofus." You elbowed him. "I don't need no intervention."

He shook his head. "Denile."

Red eyes rolled behind the cover of thick black sunglasses. "You're such a dork sometimes, I swear."

"Yeah, coming from Mr. Hipster-let-me-take-selfies-and-do-stuff-ironically-ALL-THE-TIME." He laughed.

"Hey I..." You gumbled. "I don't take selfies all the time. And I don't do everything ironically, jeez."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Then why do you wear those lame ass Ben Stiller shades 24/7." He folded his arms.

"I don't! I take them off when I sleep and stuff."

"What about when you shower?"

"Shut up. I like these."

"I thought you liked them ironically."

"Yeah that's what I meant!"

"So then, you wear ironic shades ALL the time, but claim not to be ironic?"

"John I swear to God I'm gonna punch you."

"Hey, I'm just saying, you're the one contradicting yourself here." He shrugged. "I mean if you like... took them off. Maybe I'd agree with you. You're not a hipster, but right now, all the signs point to it." Another shrug.

You mumbled something under your breath then sighed. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

He raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"You wear glasses all the time too, Egbert."

"But I need mine to see!"

"Bullshit. When you get up to piss in the middle of the night you see your way to the bathroom just fine."

"But I'm like half asleep then that doesn't co-"

"Hey, I'm just saying." You shrugged. "You want me to take off my glasses you gotta take off  yours. Unless," You paused for emphasis. "You're a hypocrite."

"Fuck you." He laughed and shoved you. "Fine. On the count of three."

"Alright."

"One. Two. Th-"

"Wait!" You stopped him. "This is stupid."

"I'll say." He deadpanned.

"You take yours off first."

"Dave!" He whined. "That's not fair."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not." 

"Is too."

"Fine!" Haha, John's lack of patience plays to your advantage once again. He tore his glasses off his face in a pretend fit of anger. "I hope you know I can't see a damn thing."

"Good." You smirked.

"Good what do you mean goo-" You cut him off with one of those pretend-boyfriends-even-at-home kisses. Your heart was doing that thing again. Where it beat at 100 miles per hour. 

You slowly pulled back and cleared your throat. "Sorry."

John didn't say anything for a couple seconds, and that made you super worried. Maybe you'd finally done it. You'd finally crossed the pretend boyfriend line. A smile spread across his face and he started to laugh. "No you're not!" He fumbled with his glasses to put them back on. "You obviously did that on purpose."

"Shhhhhh." You joked. "It's like there are magnets in my lips or something. They were suddenly attracted to yours, oh, sweet, precious, fake boyfriend." 

He laughed and pushed you. He thought it was just part of the whole... pretend boyfriend... thing. You sighed a little and laughed with him. "And you call me a doofus."

"Well you are." You shrugged. 

He rolled his eyes and stood up. "I'm going to the library, wanna come with?"

You scrunched up you face a little and shook your head. "Nah, I'm good. That place is so stuffy and it smells like used books."

"It's a library Dave."

"I know."

 

**\-------------------**

 

You're actually kind of glad Dave didn't go with you. You needed some time alone. Some  time to think. Jeez, why'd he do that? What was this twisty feeling in your stomach? Ugh, this whole fake boyfriends thing was a BAD idea. You basically spent your entire walk to library thinking about Dave. Not intentionally though, you don't think. He was just kind of... on your mind.

The way he tasted like cinnamon 4/5 times. Or how his hand was at least two inches longer than yours. He had the boniest fingers you'd ever seen. You looked at your hand. It was kinda nice how his fingers and yours fit together so perfectly. You laughed a little to yourself at the thought. Also he had REALLY straight teeth? And he's never had braces? Fucking perfect. Actually his teeth were just part of the whole perfect picture. Dirty blonde hair, practically flawless skin dotted in freckles, he didn't even have a weird nose. Y'know, if you were gay Dave would be a guy you'd really like. Hell you aren't gay and you really like him.

Shit.

No you don't he's your best friend. You can't like him. You have to call off this fake boyfriend thing. It's way too... weird. You nodded to yourself upod deciding. When you went home that evening you'd tell him you thought the fake boyfriend thing wasn't working. 

In the library you let your mind drift off of Dave and onto other things, like how Vriska was sitting at your normal table with some big beefy looking dude with long greasy hair. It kind of made you feel sick and really jealous? Oh shit, is this how she felt seeing you with Dave? You hoped not. She didn't even like you, right?

Right.

She was just a big huge... beautiful... nice... smart... funny... fuck. Liking people was a tough business. You like one person and they hate you. You pretend to date another person to make the first person jealous. You accidentally fall in love with the second. You still like the first. Or did you? You didn't know! This is STUPID. You slammed your head down on your textbook and groaned.

Vriska, sitting a couple tables away obnoxiously laughed at whatever the beefy dude said. He's not even her type. You peeked over to see her glaring daggers at you while talking to him. He didn't seem to notice. You decided to be the bigger person and sit up and give her a wave. This spawned a reaction you didn't expect.

"Oh, John!" She exclaimed and jumped up. "How are you!! It's been what, like a month?"

You raised an eyebrow as she approached you, leaving the beefy dude at the table to stare at your interaction with Vriska. "Uh, actually only like three weeks." You mumbled.

"Oh, still far too long!" She scooped you into a hug, what the fuck was she doing. "Have you met Equius, he's a senior!"

"Uh, no. I don't really interact with seniors."

"Oh well he's super cool. He's majoring in Athletic training or something. I think you two would get along great!" She beamed, but you'd known Vriska long enough to hear the bitterness in her voice.

"Vriska I'm literally the least physical person you know."

"I know, that's why I'm saying, he could whip you into shape." She smirked.

"Gee thanks." You rolled your eyes. All the while the beefy guy, Equius, sat silently in his seat a few tables away.

"So hey." She pulled out the chair beside you. "Are you still dating that Strider guy?"

Shit. You were gonna tell Dave to call it off as soon as you got home so maybe... You should say no. You swallowed hard and shook your head. "No we," You thought for a second. "We decided we're too good of friends to really ruin our friendship by uh... dating."

"Ah," She nodded. "I see. I get how that is." She pointed in Equius's direction and started to whisper. "That's why I've turned down Senor Meat Head so many times."

"Oh so he isn't..."

"My boyfriend." She nodded. "I hope you didn't get the wrong impression!"

You shook your head. "Nah, no." You lied.

"Oh, so hey, I wanted to apologize for," She stopped for a second. "Uh, being a bitch, y'know. I guess I kind of over reacted."

"It's okay, I'm sorry too. You got mad and I got mad and I dunno. Sorry for calling you a bitch and stuff."

"You didn't call me a bitch." She raised an eyebrow.

"Well I thought it." You laughed.

She laughed too, "Gosh, thanks John."

"Hey, I said sorry." You stuck out your tongue.

"It's okay, I accept your-"

Equius tapped her on the shoulder. "I'm gonna go home, kay?" 

Vriska looked back then nodded at him and smiled, "Alright, see you!"

Her attention was returned to you, "So anyway, what are you doing tonight?"

"Going home. Sleeping."

"Well why don't you forget that! We should hang out. It'll be fun." She shrugged. "Consider it a friendship-make-up date."

You gritted your teeth for a second then nodded. "Alright, sounds like fun. Can I just go run my books home and shower?"

"Yeah, don't let me stop you." She crinkled her nose and laughed a little. "Plus you do smell a little rank."

"Thanks." You rolled your eyes and stood up. "I'll meet you at-"

"Uh, I'll pick you up in like an hour, okay?"

"Alright sure!" You waved and went off. 

Okay maybe the whole pretend to date Dave thing did work. Vriska was actually talking to you again and she technically asked you out on a date! Which was great! Fastastic even but... You don't know you just feel... Super rotten. Your stomach was all in knots and that was probably the hardest walk home in your entire life.

 

**\-----------------------**

 

He was only your fake boyfriend, right? So you knew it wasn't gonna last. You were just helping him out. Helping him make the girl he liked jealous, right? Right. You knew that. You knew it the entire time. But...

It still hurt.

It hurt a lot.

There was a sharp, twisting, pain in your chest and you...

You were crying.

You never cry.

Nobody ever saw you cry. Nobody but your bro, but you couldn't call him. He didn't even know you were fake dating John. Hell, he didn't even know you liked John.

So you were alone, sitting against the kitchen counter. Crying. For no good reason. You knew it wasn't gonna last but you were still crying. And you knew this was coming. You noticed it. John definately noticed it. In fact, everyone noticed it. You were sure of it. Vriska was starting to pay more attention to you and John, she'd pop up in the most random places and every time you saw her she'd give you the most sour looks. She was obviously jealous. Jealous of you. Jealous of you dating John. Except, you weren't actually dating him. 

And now he was gonna go be with Vriska, and be happy, and maybe you guess you should be happy for him. All you wanted for him was to be happy. That's why you offered to help him. You loved him enough to.. let him go. Let him be happy. Don't interfere with his happiness. You sighed and pushed some of the tears off of your face.

Your head fell back against the cabinet and you laughed a little to yourself. The light in the small kitchen was super dim, you'd been meaning to fix it for awhile. You weren't sure why you were thinking about it at a time like this, but whatever. There were several outlines of dead bugs in the weird glass part around the bulb. What are those glass parts called anyway? Lightbuld cases or light houses? Note to self, google light-protecting-lamp-things.

You sighed and brought your legs up into a criss-cross position. Maybe you should call Jade, that'd sure surprise her. You don't call her often enough. You dug around in your pocket for your cellphone. One bar of battery, better make it quick.

Jade had the dumbest ringback tone, and you made note to tell her whenever you could. Maybe you wouldn't mention this time though... It was kind of catchy actually, for being from a Shrek movie.  You laughed to yourself. 

"Hello?" She answered sleepily.

"Hey Jade, were you sleeping?"

"When am I not?" She said sarcastically.

You laughed, "What's up sleepy head? How's your fancy New York college life going?" Jade started college a semester after everyone else in your little quartet of friends so she had time to get everything situated and go to a fancy performing arts college in the Big Apple.

She groaned really loud. "It suuuuuuuucks. There's way too many people and trying to find a classroom on this huge ass campus is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I'm thinking of transfering."

"Oh, to where?" You inquired.

"Uh, where do you go to school?" She laughed.

"I don't think you wanna go here, too much baby mama drama."

"What?! You got somebody pregnant?!"

"No, oh my God, John did." You deadpanned.

"Are you serious?" 

"As a heart attack."

"Jesus Christ, didn't think he had it in him."

"Wow that was rude." You laughed. "What are you gonna say when he actually does knock some chick up?"

"I knew you were lying!"

Another laugh, "No shit."

"Jerk." You  could practically hear the frowny face in her voice, but she cleared it up soon enough. "How's your life? Still fake dating John? Did you tell him you liked him?"

"Uh, life sucks. He fake broke up with me because Vriska, quote unquote, took him back." You rolled your eyes. "And no, I didn't... I didn't get the chance to tell him."

"Aw, jeez Dave. I'm sorry." Her tone immediately changed to that weird motherly tone that she gets when she cares. You never understood how she did that. She could go from like perky to sad to extatic to motherly in 5 seconds flat.

"It's alright, I mean, I'm a little torn up but I knew we were just pretending," You shrugged but she obviously couldn't see you. "No big deal. He's happy."

"But you aren't." Jade added strictly. "I think your happiness matters too. John basically just fucked with your heart and you let him." You knew she was serious when she cussed too, cause she didn't do that often.

"Well, I'm the one who-" 

Beep. Beep.

"Oh shit, Jade my cell is dying, I'll call you later kay?"

"Yeah, sure you will." She grumbled.

"I will!"

Beep. Beep.

"I really gotta go!"

"Alright, night Dave!!"

"Night."

You hung up the phone and not even two minutes later it died. Jade was so sweet. How the fuck did she pack all that sugary sweetness into one little body. You smiled and shook your head. Talking to her made you feel better, that's for sure but... You sighed. You still felt like shit and you still felt like crying. You closed your eyes and leaned your head against the cabinet again. Time to just let the tears fall.

 

**\-------------------**

 

So, there you are. Outside the library with the girl of your dreams.  You finally won her back. The plan worked. Being Dave's fake boyfriend made Vriska jealous and you got her back. She wanted to be more than friends. You should be extatic but...

You aren't. It dawned on you, the only reason she wanted you is because somebody else had you. She didn't love you. She didn't even care about you. She basically told you to fuck off 100 times over. But there you were with her. Outside the library. About to kiss her for the first time. You can't do it.

You stop leaning in. "No."

She opens her eyes, "Excuse me?"

"No this isn't right." You shake your head.

"What are you-"

You stand up. "You don't like me. Not like I liked you. You were just jealous. I wanted you to be jealous. Because I wanted you to like me but... That's not how love works. You can't love somebody just because you're jealous." You shook your head again.

"What are you talking about?" Now she was standing.

"I'm sorry Vriska. I... I was dating Dave to make you jealous. I wanted you to like me but... I guess I realized you're not gonna. And I could love you a million times over but the only reason you want me is because you're jealous and..." You took a deep breath. "Dave isn't. He's not jealous. He helped me. He..."

"What the fuck are you going on about?" Her tone was getting more aggressive.

"I broke his heart." More head shaking. "I have to tell him." You turned without facing Vriska and started off.

She called out behind you, "Where are you going!?"

"I'm going to make this right!" You said, picking up speed. Running all the way to your dorm from the library.

You practically broke down the door when you got there. Dave was sitting against the counter and he looked like he'd been crying? He stood up and wiped his face with his sleeve.

"Dave!" You panted. You were out of breath.  "Dave, I have to talk to you."

So he said, "What's the problem, John?" What's the problem? You don't know.

"Well maybe... Well maybe I'm in love." You think about him all the time, can't stop thinking about him. 


End file.
